Friday, December 31, 2010

New Year

I'm not sure I could describe how good of an idea going to Arizona was. I'm here with some awesome people that make life so much better just being around them. I'm so stoked to spend the next 8 days with them..

Speaking of my awesome friends.. Were currently in Target buying nerd (Nerf) guns for our real life Black Ops game. Absolutely amazing.

Anyways.. Being here really makes me think about my future. I mean am I really doing the right degree? The one thing that's so perfect about it is I can work anywhere in the world. I can pretty much pick a place and go work there. But I always want to be able to provide for myself and my family.. Not saying I won't be able to do that with my current degree but it makes me nervous. I'm going into it knowing I won't make a lot of money. Although when I think about the other side of it.. I'll be doing something I love so therefore I'll always be happy. Not to mention I'll be able to work anywhere I want which is a plus.

I guess I'll worry about that later and focus on how much I love my life right now. Even though I'm studying to be a "planner" I'd rather not plan my life out and just have fun.

Were FIXIN to have a good night!!


Confession-- I'm completely fascinated by Canadian people. I'm thinking I'll take a trip there soon. :)

Wednesday, December 29, 2010


"How long are you willing to pay for a choice that wasn't yours?"

Today was one of those days where every hurt feeling came rushing back and slapped me right in the face. I felt just as pathetic as ever. I know I'm a strong person, but nothing could've prepared me for December 29th, 2010. I think it was just a sign that I NEED 2011. I need a new year. I need change. 

I remembered this quote that a very remarkable person told me a few months ago. For so long I've been the one paying for someone's bad choice. I've beat myself down for something that I didn't even do. But how do you stop? When a choice affects you everyday.. how do you just stop blaming yourself? 

The road to recovery is long.. and frustrating.. but I won't turn around. I might hit speed bumps, but I'm only human.. and I can't let anyone tear me apart when I know I'm on the right road. 

Why do I ever let them affect me? Why do I always feel like a screw up? Why do I never feel good enough? I'm so tired of walking with my head down.

My fb status today is "Fake it till you make it." Wise words I was told.. and its true.. Even though I have these jacked up feelings... I can't walk around being miserable all the time because healing is a process.. and I can't keep acting like I'm a 100% better when I'm not. I know what I want, and what I deserve.. unfortunately they aren't the same thing. I'm not ready to move past this conflict until I know I can handle it. So until then.. Imma keep moving forward and one day things will be better. 

Confession-- I swallowed my pride today and gave the honest truth... You shouldn't hate me for that. In fact, you should love me for being honest and admitting that Life is rough sometimes.

There's nothing worse than being transparent with someone and them telling you to get out of the car..

God is still good.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Romeo & Juliet

*It's long, but worth the read. :)

     Here we are.. just 5 days away from 2011. I have thought a lot lately about this coming year. It's strange but i literally have most of the year planned out already. That is what I get for being such a planner. There are just so many weddings and events I have to plan around, so I have to start now.
     I have watched a lot of movies lately, and even though I would pick a thriller or comedy over a love story any day.. It seems every movie I have watched lately has been a love story. Since this is my blog and i can pretty much say whatever I want.. I guess I'll just be honest.. With the year I've had.. Watching romantic movies is the last thing I want to do. 

BUT-- I have learned a WHOLE LOT not just from the year 2010, but from the movies I have watched over the past several months. i get into movies, like REALLY get into them. There is just something about watching a movie and feeling like you are watching a person's life. You laugh with them, cry with them, and most of all you relate to them. The story in a movie might not be real, but a lot of the times, the situations the characters are in are real. 

Isn't it amazing how a character can experience a crazy amount of pain and feel like they will never be happy again, and then someone walks into their life and changes everything? Shows them that not everyone is the same. That they can find happiness again. and most of all that love is not worth giving up on. You see a character lose a husband/girlfriend/loved one to all kinds of things. Sometimes sickness, sometimes to another person.. yet does the movie ever end there? No. In a romantic movie (unless the ending is supposed to suck) the heartbroken person always bumps into someone that is going to change everything for them. I mean come on people.. we are talking about Love here. It's beautiful. You can watch a romantic movie and walk out saying "I wish I had that", "That would never happen in real life", or you can start thinking, "I'll have that someday." 

Speaking of movies, I watched one tonight.. and it was all about a girl who had everything but took it all for granted. She had the power from stepping on people to get where she wanted, the money from working 24/7 and ignoring everyone that mattered, and the boyfriend who could care less about her and she thought life was perfect. Until she ran into her ex boyfriend and realized that there was a nice, genuine guy who truly loves her. but current Boyfriend cheated on her then proposed and she said yes because with him came a "safe" (and rich) future. FINALLY she realized that Love isn't about money, or power.. it's about spending the rest of your life with someone that gives you butterflies and makes you laugh.. Happily ever after. the end. << It was actually a good movie..

I say all this to say.. I've been so bitter in the past and so hurt by previous relationships and when you feel like there's no point.. you give up or you settle. and every romantic movie I watch.. I don't think "Man, I wish i had that", It just makes me excited to "bump into" my future one day. and in the mean time, I'm done being bitter and upset.. I have an awesome life and a bright future and when that day comes to meet prince charming.. I'll be nothing but excited that i chose not to give up when God has been sitting up there all along just telling me to be patient. Don't. Give. Up. and Don't be scared. Be fearless and when the right love is in front of you, don't be afraid to jump. Because the right guy is going to catch you.

"Somewhere between heartaches and waiting, comes the chance to be found by someone who can show you that you don't have to be just an option, but the ONLY choice."

Confession- I waited too long to realize i deserve better, but tomorrow's a new day.. and i refuse to let you ruin me... or my heart. 

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Zombies & Movies & 50 Piece McNuggets.

Ya know that quote, "To the world you might be just one person, but to one person you might mean the world"? I don't really think about that quote in a romantic way, more of just a general quote to anyone.

I just had an amazing weekend and It was definitely worth blogging about..There are two people in my life, that really mean the world to me. Whenever I get to see them, I get SO excited, and whenever I'm away from them, I'm a little bit depressed. I feel comfortable around them. They genuinely care about me, which is huge in my book. I just don't think I would ever be able to express how thankful I am to have them. They are more special to me than they know.

She is hard-working, smart, funny, absolutely beautiful, someone I can be myself around, kind, practically my sister and most importantly makes me want to be a better person. She is always there for me, and I just hope I can be as good of friend to her as she is to me.

He is incredibly talented. fun to be around, a great example of how a guy should treat a girl, he includes me, talks to me like we've been friends forever, and I just hope we will in fact be best friends for life. haha. :)

Together, they make such an awesome couple, and are two of my best friends and I'm a better person for having them in my life. They are family to me. People I would seriously never get sick of being around. They love me for me, and I love both of them very much.. just the way they are. I can't wait to be neighbors with them one day. :)

Sometimes it's just necessary for people to know how important they are to you. So if you haven't told someone in awhile... You definitely should. Life is short. Make the most of it.

Confession: I typed this whole thing while driving in the dark. Don't tell my mom.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Jill Kennedy Roberts

Most frustrating thing in the world..

Ya know when you come in contact with some really great people and they just want to have a surface level relationship with you? Or they just don't have any desire to get to know you and really find out what kind of person you are? I hate that. This is pertaining to friends.. and guys. I'm just saying.. I feel like some people would be really surprised if they would just take the time to get to know me. Does that sound conceited? I don't care. I had an in class interview the other night and one of the questions was to describe myself using adjectives. It really made me think about who I am. This is what I came up with...

--Funny, Creative, Positive, Loving, Ambitious, Hopeful, Spontaneous, Giving, Energetic and Passionate.

That started to make me think about what kind of person I am beyond the adjectives, and here it is..

--I love making my friends laugh. I love the outdoors, but I also could sit inside for days and watch movies.  When I see something I want, I have to have it. I will put all my effort into getting it. Not in a stuck up way, more in a "I go after what i want way". I love sports. I could literally watch sports all the time. I'm sure that will make my future husband happy someday haha. I love my name. There is something so unique about the name Jill and the power that comes with the name Kennedy, and Roberts just makes me think of Julia Roberts...which is pretty cool too.I'm a dreamer, hardcore. Even if something is never going to happen, i like to think it will someday. Don't rain on my parade. My friends are my life. I learn how to be a better person from them. I really do love dogs. I don't like wasting time; therefore, I seem to love to jump into things. I'm always down for whatever. Because I'm such a passionate person, it comes off like I'm over the top to my friends.. but around everyone else, I really am super chill.  I guess you could say I know how to play it cool. haha.

I'm one of a kind, just like everyone else in the world. And that right there my friends, makes me special.

Confession-  Today i fell asleep while driving. It scared me. but I'm alive, so it's all good. Lesson learned.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Live Life to the Fullest.

Q. What do I want to do before I die?

A. Live life to the fullest.

I want to wake up and make the most of the time I'm given. I don't want to spend the rest of my life sitting in an office dreading my job. I want to create, explore, travel, laugh, love..

Every time I end up sharing some of my dreams and goals with people they always find it really random.. which I think is funny, because when you think about it.. everyone has some crazy goal that they are afraid to say out loud for fear that people will laugh about it or judge them on it. Well, I could care less haha.. so here it goes

CREATE- I love to write. So it only makes sense that since this is such a huge passion of mine, that two of my goals would have to do with writing. The first is to write a book and have it published by the time I'm 25.. and yes I've started the book. (currently having writers bloc). The second is to get my masters in Screenwriting. I'm a huge movie buff, and just the idea of being able to create scripts for movies.. straight up fascinates me. 

EXPLORE- I want to explore different aspects of life. I want to learn to surf. I want to dance in front of people. Do karaoke. Sing loudly in a crowded place, just because I can. I want to have pictures published in a magazine. (taken by me, not of me.) I want make someone's life better. I want to learn to snowboard. I want to learn how to eat salad without gagging. I want to rock climb ALL the time. I want to be completely fearless. 

TRAVEL- I've been to a bunch of places, but traveling is my life. I love it. I want to travel to random places.. learn about different cultures, make friends, eat weird food, but most importantly help others. I mean why not ya know?

LAUGH- If you know me or are around me enough, you'll know that I laugh 85% of the time.. and I love to make people laugh 100% of the time. It's the best medicine. Seriously. I definitely know how to be serious when the time is right, but laughing is my favorite thing to do. It makes me happy. 

LOVE- I want to love with my whole heart. Not only my friends, my job, my family, my life.. but that one special person that I have yet to find. I want to jump when the time is right. I don't want to hold myself back from something that could be exactly what I need. I want to trust someone with my life. I want to wake up every morning with a smile on my face and know that I'm secure.. and its actually right this time. 

I love being spontaneous and fearless (if you couldn't tell from my blog title). Why not get up and doing something spontaneous RIGHT THIS SECOND. WHY NOT?

So I definitely think everyone should reevaluate their life.. If you aren't happy.. Change it. There is no time for negativity. 

"You only live once, and if you do it right, once is enough."

P.S.-- I've decided that on every post, I will confess something, even if it's stupid, funny, lame, or weird..

Confession-- I hate peas.

Monday, November 29, 2010


I know God is going to get me through this pain. There is ALWAYS hope beyond your hurt. Isn't it funny how we always find ourselves saying "what a coincidence."? Tonight I was talking to a friend about how things happen and we say it's just a coincidence.. but in all reality.. It's actually God providing for us. So the next time you think something is a coincidence.. Take a minute to think about it. I have just a few short weeks of school left, and lately I have found myself being upset with the fact that this Christmas will be different than all the previous ones, but then i remembered how blessed i am to have to world's greatest friends. We are already planning our whole break and  i am just so thankful that I was able to find friends that are supportive, hilarious, genuine, avid coffee drinkers, amazing and most of all love me for me. I know God will always provide for me even in my times of trouble. That gives me such an incredible peace.

"And He never promised the cross would not get heavy and the hill would not be hard to climb
He never offered victory without fighting but He said help would always come in time
Just remember when you’re standing in the valley of decision and the adversary says give in
Just hold on, our Lord will show up and He will take you through the fire again"

Love God. Love my life. Love my family and friends. It's all about the love peeps.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!!! I have soo much to be thankful for this year. My brother and future sister in law are home from Iraq, All my family is safe, I have two really cute dogs, the most amazing friends i could ever ask for, and food on the table. I am soo beyond blessed. Make sure you enjoy your time with family, because you never know if that will be the last time to see them. This year, i've really learned not to complain about petty issues. This week, my rents told me my whole Thanksgiving break would be spent at Grandma's house and instead of getting upset that I wouldn't see my friends, i remembered that I hadn't seen my family in over a year. I have an awesome family and some pretty cool cousins, so what better way to spend my break. I hope everyone has a great day! I'm still trying to figure out if the $2 movies at Walmart are worth getting up at 3am and dealing with the crazies and their carts. haha.

Happy Turkey Day!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Friends and Enemies.

     I am finally in a really good place in my life. I have found some amazing friends. I haven't had friends like this in a long time.. since my junior year in high school. They have taught me so much and have been there for me when i didn't think I deserved it. I love my degree and the future that is going to come because of that degree. BUT.. (there's always a "but") Why is it that people try to destroy that happiness? that fresh start that you've finally been given? I recently found out.. that someone took it upon themselves to tell people that used to be in my life.. everything that has happened in the past 6 months.. mainly the bad things that i wish to not remember. So not only do i feel like I'm being blackmailed.. I feel like some people will never grow up.. That some people will NEVER stop the drama. But why does it bother me? I mean.. I know i have the right to be angry about someone starting crap about me.. but why can't I just brush it off? I guess it's because for the past 3 years, all i've down is constantly defend myself. It's an understatement when people say "haters will hate" because i have known some people that just want to destroy me. I thought I left that mess back in Tulsa when I moved away to school.. but I guess i was wrong. I'm just going to keep living my life and hope one day it won't bother me as much. As for my friends.. i love them very much. I don't think they know how much they mean to me. It's almost Thanksgiving.. and i have so much to be thankful for. I really do love my life. I'm so blessed.