Monday, February 21, 2011

You know my name, Not my story.

I woke up yesterday morning just like any other day. Woke up at 6 am from my dog sitting on top of me wanting to go outside. I got up, walked downstairs, let him go outside, and went back to sleep. 3 hours later, I got up, got ready for church, and left with my rents. The same awkward feeling that I don’t belong came over me as I walked inside. Strange how things change in just a few months. Somewhere between running into my past and driving too fast to get out of town, I broke down. Clenched fists, loud music, and venting inside my head only got me so far. I calmed down a little when I reached the exit for Stillwater. I knew I was on my way back to something better. A place I find myself taking for granted throughout the day. I hate school. With. A. Passion. Yet, I am so blessed that I can go to school and that my parents can afford it. I walked inside my empty apartment, turned up the music and just sat down on my bedroom floor. I felt emotionally exhausted. As I laid back and stared at the ceiling, I kept thinking about my run in with the past. I thought about how upset it made me, and how hurt I was. I was dwelling on the past. Not only on the past, but also on people and issues that don’t deserve another second of my time.

There is a reason people from your past don't make it to your future folks.

 Whether it’s an old relationship, friendship, or someone that just upset you. They aren’t worth your time. There’s a line from one of my favorite bands, “If It’s the past that you love, then that’s where you can stay.” If people can’t move on from the past, leave them there. I have had a few people prove to me what real friendships and relationships should look like and it shows me I deserve better then what I had. And so do you. Don’t let someone rob you of your happiness. Happiness is the best revenge. Nothing drives people more crazy then seeing you have a good freaking life.

We get so caught up in what we want. The job we want, the friends we want, the amount of money we want, the perfect person we want to spend our life with.. None of us ever stop and think.. what do i deserve? It's insane how people will wait their whole life for that perfect thing or person they "want". WAKE UP. it's okay to be picky on certain issues, it's not okay to stand still when there is a beautiful life right in front of you just waiting for you to live it. Uncross your arms and see all the possibilities right under your nose. There 's not only a beautiful life, there are also beautiful people that could impact your life in such a phenomenal way. So stop wanting perfection. Perfection is boring. 
Lastly. Don't ever let someone make you feel less than you are. There are a few people from my past that caused my struggle with not feeling good enough. But who's to judge? Really? Who the heck do you think you are to judge me? You might know my name, but you don't know my story. I am 100% good enough for you.. and you.. and you. Tell yourself that. Everyday. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are good enough. Because last time I checked, the people that judge are just the people that are too insecure with themselves. I'm not perfect. I have flaws. and I plan on embracing them. I might not be "good enough" for you.. and that's fine.. you are just missing out on one amazing girl. 
Be confident in everything you do. Be patient in everything you do also. I have such an issue with patience, because I have so many dreams, I want to get out there and live all of them. But take a deep breathe and enjoy life at this very moment. Because if you don't, you might miss out on something you've always DESERVED.

Confession: I'm just a simple, southern girl with a big heart and a list of dreams. I think I might be what you have been looking for.
"Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me, and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be. Thinking maybe you'll come back here to this place that we'd meet. Then you'll see me waiting for you.." :)

Quote: "Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in. Forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be burdened by your old nonsense."

Sunday, February 13, 2011


I love Valentines Day. Not only is it my dad’s birthday, but it’s such a sweet holiday. I don’t have a Valentine this year and yet I’m still soo excited for February 14th. I decided for my Valentines Day post, I would make it all about love. so here it goes. <3

To anyone who is in a relationship:
     Love isn’t about looking at each other’s flaws. You aren’t in a relationship to be miserable. I swear these days there are more unhappy people in relationships than there are unhappy singles. Valentine’s Day is a holiday therefore it is meant to be special, but everyday should be like that. I want to buy gifts and go on special dates ALL the time. Not just when the calendar tells me I should. It’s so easy to get in arguments when you are with someone constantly. You find the smallest thing, turn it around, and the whole day is ruined. What a waste of your life. To always be fighting with the one person that means the most to you. Pick your battles. Even if you want to get angry, be the bigger person. Ignore a rude comment, smile, and be happy. You feed off the people you are around. So if you are negative, then your significant other is going to be negative. Love is beautiful. I mean think about it.. You have someone that you could potentially spend the rest of your life with. Playing games with, sharing secrets with, watching sports with, having pillow flights with..  I mean come on friends.. Your relationship doesn’t have to be a boring mess. So if you are going to be in a relationship, make everyday special. If you love someone, love them 110% of the time. Love their flaws, love their quirks, and remember that feeling they give you when they look at you and smile. It will make you fall in love all over again.

To anyone who is single:
     It’s okay. Don’t let society tell you, you have to be in a relationship. Embrace your freedom and the time you have to be with friends. If you are single, be a happy single. Don’t be upset that you don’t have someone. Guys/girls look for someone that is fun and full of life. So don’t be the party pooper in the corner because you are alone. Be the person that everyone wants to get to know. Because it is then that the guy/girl you have always wanted will notice you. I will say this though.. If you meet someone that could be great potential.. don’t disregard them just because you like your freedom. Give them a chance. You never know what could happen. PLUS- Being in a relationship doesn’t mean giving up your freedom.. It just means you get time with your friends AND time with someone special.

To those who are just plain bitter:
     STOP IT. You are wasting your life being upset towards someone that hurt you. It doesn’t matter if you were with them for 3 weeks or 3 years, if someone is going to screw you over, they aren’t worth your time. It doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough. It means they weren’t good enough for you. Remember the person you were before the relationship ripped you apart and start fresh. I understand there will be days that suck, but life isn’t about being unhappy. Don’t be bitter towards love. Love didn’t do anything to you, the person that hurt you did. Just because someone hurts you doesn’t mean every person is like that. So put a smile on, live your life and one day you will run into someone that will prove to you not everyone is the same. And when that day comes.. take a risk. Don’t miss out on something perfect for your life.

I love life. So much. I can’t wait to find someone that is as fun as I am, that will want to be crazy and laugh all day with me. Not to mention being able to spoil someone not only on Valentines Day, but everyday that we are together. Love is awesome. Don’t take it for granted.

Confession: I’d be okay with spending every Valentine’s Day with you. That’s how great I think you are.

Quote: "I think you need someone to want you. Well, I do want you so be brave enough to want me back."

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love -well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you 
haven't lived. "

Monday, February 7, 2011


     I’ve been cooped up in a house for a week with all my crazy friends. It’s been a blast, but it also has given me so much time to think. It’s been a week of thinking BIG thoughts. Past thoughts, future thoughts, right this second thoughts, relationship thoughts, mistake thoughts, butterflies in my stomach thoughts, sad thoughts, risk taking thoughts..

     Isn’t it weird to think about your life now compared to one year ago? I was in a serious relationship, I was a journalism major, I still lived at home, I was struggling with friendships, and I felt like so much was missing. After living this past year, if I could have given my February 2010 self any advice, I think it would have been this: “There will be days where you hate everything. There will be days where all you will do is cry. People will hurt you, turn their back on you, and prove to you that no one can be trusted. BUT. Then one day you will take a risk. And it will change everything. You’ll find your fun loving, hilarious, beautiful self again. You will make friends that will remain by your side till the day you die. You will learn to trust. You will have the time of your life. And most importantly, you’ll believe in love again.” I spent most of 2010 being bitter. Not understanding why my world was crumbling. Then I realized.. It had to crumble. It had to crumble in order to build something new and better. I wasted so much time trying to hold on to the things of the past, that I didn’t realize I was getting in the way of a better life for myself. December 29th was quite eventful, but I will always remember that day because as I lay in bed that night, I told myself I was done. I was done getting in the way of fate and being miserable about things I couldn’t control. Then I woke up the next morning, got on a plane, and had the time of my life. Ever since then I have had a new outlook on life. There will always be bumps in the road. But I can cry about it, or laugh about it. I choose to laugh. I choose to be better.
     Is anything ever constant? Nothing in my life is, that’s for sure. I thrive on change. I think the only reason I thrive on change though is because, I have never had consistency in my life. Ever. I worked my whole life towards the Olympics and a college scholarship just to have it ripped away from me. I switched high schools my senior year after being at the same school for 11 years. I’m on my 3rd college so far. I worked hard in two relationships only to have them not work out. Not to mention, I’m in the process of changing my major.. again.  And I thrive on all of that. I thrive on change. I thrive on knowing after I graduate, I’m moving to an unknown place. It’s going to be spontaneous and insane. But that’s what I love. I’m a total “go with it” girl.

    Have you ever heard a story, talked to someone, watched an instance take place where you are thinking "I can't believe they just did that." I mean it happens ALL the time. Everyday. I love this quote because my whole life, I have had people judge "what" I did, instead of looking at "why" I did it. If you take anything away from this blog, I hope it's this-- Don't judge what someone does, before you know why they did it. Guys--you do this too but, don't over think what a girl does. Girls get nervous, say the wrong thing at the wrong time, look like a fool, stutter over their words, and text you way too much. Why? Because we like you. We want you to see we are worth taking a chance on and it simply just comes out looking a mess. But, I guess that's love ya know? Girls-- Let's all get along. haha yah right.. I know that will never happen, but I think before you cause drama in your mind or in your group of friends.. make sure you have all the details about a situation before you freak out on someone for what they did. If you want to know something.. ASK. All to often, friendships and relationships end because people don't just speak up and tell what's on their mind. Even if you are too scared, mad, nervous, embarrassed, sad, or just plain head over heels for someone.. It's always better to speak up, then to never know. 

Confession: Even though I thrive on change, I want someone to prove to me that love doesn’t have to. You seem like a pretty good candidate for that job... just sayin.
 Quote: “I don’t care about your past, all I want to know is if there’s a place for me in your future.”
             “In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different.”