Timing Is Everything

I had such a great weekend. I can't even describe how happy I am to have certain people in my life. I felt so much peace, like I was right where i belonged. I didn't have an ounce of bitterness when I was home. I wasn't anxious or frustrated, because that is MY TOWN! I've lived there my whole life. I was driving back to school and I heard "My Town" by Montgomery Gentry-- and I just felt so in love with my life. I don't ever want to get to the point where I dread coming home.. never again. I’m turning 21 in a few short days and thinking about my birthday causes me to reflect over what my life was like at 20.

A year ago today, my life changed drastically.  My world was turned upside down and I was really unsure of who I was at that point. I questioned every relationship I had. My relationship with God. My relationship with friends. Everything. I questioned who I was as a person. I questioned whether or not I deserved all the.. “bad luck” as you could say that I was getting. I was alone and just broken. One thing's for sure, I couldn't keep living like that. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about quitting school and just quit caring about everything. I had so much hurt in my life, the only thing that could fix it was turning to God. So I did. I left everything I had ever known and ended up finding more happiness than I ever thought was possible.

A year ago today... I wasn't even sure what love was. How sad is that? To not believe in the one thing that makes life SOO beautiful. I found myself being bitter and then at times not caring at all. But a few months ago I decided something needed to change. I prayed like crazy. I said “okay God. I’m ready to trust that you have a plan." You wouldn’t believe what prayer does. I don’t care what your religious views are. There is power in prayer friends. I’ve prayed about my future ever since that day multiple times a day. God knows the desires of my heart.. and he is going to fulfill his promises more than I can even imagine.

When I look back on a year ago today, I thank God for my unanswered prayers. I thank God for removing me from the bad situation I was in. I have NO regrets on the decisions I’ve made the past 365 days, because every single one of those days, I learned something about myself.

TODAY—I have the best friends anyone could ever ask for. I have a great family that has been blessed beyond belief. I have a bright and awesome future. I am the happiest I’ve ever been. And all the other great things in my life that I’m unsure about.. I have to be patient and trust that God has a plan. I can definitely say.. I have never felt so sure about anything in my life though. It feels good to have a positive outlook on life. Picture This:: The best way to describe it is I'm just so excited and I'm trying to run and God is holding on to the back of my shirt saying “HOLD ON WOMAN. YOU CAN HAVE IT BUT WAIT TILL I SAY GO!” 

 Yes.. I want to get married sooner rather than later, but I want God’s hand on the relationship every step of the way or I don’t want it at all. I’m sick of being unintentional. Pray about it people. It doesn’t matter if you are confused.. I’m confused like none other, but I know that God has me going down this path for a reason. I just need to let things fall into place in GOD’S TIMING. Once you let go and let God, you’ll be amazed at what will happen in your life.

Must listen to songs:: "Wait for Me"- Rebecca St. James & "Timing is Everything"- Trace Adkins

Quote:: "If you really want something, don't be so impatient. Relax and wait for the right timing. Remember, No matter how many times you push the elevator button, It will not run any faster until it gets to the right floor."

Left or Right?

This past weekend, I had a lot on my mind. Every time I have a lot on my mind, I wait till it becomes pitch black outside and go take a long drive. I have to concentrate on driving so it helps my mind not focus on the issues as much. I love to go out in the country where there is barely any light. It usually scares me out of my mind being alone in the dark but I think that’s why I like it. Sunday night, I literally drove till the road ran out. I was listening to this song repeatedly that gets to me every time I hear it.((song))

I was frustrated and confused yet still so happy with the direction my life was going in, so I drove and drove till I realized I was in the middle of nowhere. Now I got kind of scared so the first thing I did was lock my doors and tell myself God was protecting me. Haha. As I drove further down the road I came to a dead end where I saw this sign.

 I came to a stop and sat there for a few minutes and watched my lights shine on the sign. Did I want to go left or right? The road was to narrow to turn around and frankly I didn’t really want to. I turned off the car,  unlocked my door, got out, and walked around to the front of my car. I just starred at the sign. I started thinking about the current circumstances in my life. Do I want to turn left.. or right? Say yes or no? Try or not try? Risk or don't risk?

 I can’t turn back and I honestly don’t want to. There is a reason it’s called your past. Those people and circumstances aren’t a part of your present for a reason. That’s not to say those people or things won’t make an appearance in your future, but if a bad experience or bad relationship was in your past, why would you want that in your future when you can have so much better? I want to keep moving.   

 I started to get cold, but I was legitimately unsure what direction to go. I could run into a mass murderer if I turned left, or have car trouble if I turned right or I could get killed by a car coming because I'm standing in the dark. ((I watch too many movies haha))  But, then again, I could miss out on something or someone incredible if I’m afraid of the bumps in the road on which ever path I take. I said a little prayer asking for guidance and I got back in my car and turned left. It lead me to a main road and I got back to the city. I felt so much peace after that. What’s life without trying or risking or exploring? I’ve decided to take the risk, trust myself, and trust God with my next steps. 

Everything in my life is better than great. I'm so happy with the people that God has placed in my life. If you have tough decisions to make, don't be scared of which path to take. God doesn't always give us the ability to make the right decision, but he does give us the ability to take the decisions we've made, and make them right. So no matter what you decide, you can also decide to make it right. It's all going to work out.

Quote: "If love is not worth waiting for, it's not worth having."

Random Fact: My 21st birthday is in 21 days!!!!!

Because Of You

Look back on your life and think of the defining moments. Think about the times where people's words and actions had an affect on you. Think about the people that made those moments happen. Whether good or bad. Do those people know that they were the reason you had that life changing moment? These are a few of those moments…

The first time someone told me to stop fake smiling and show teeth in pictures because I had a beautiful smile… I remember it vividly.. and from that day I have ALWAYS showed teeth when I smile in pictures. This person most likely doesn’t remember this, but it gave me confidence and it meant SO much to me.

The first time I quit caring what people thought of me. I was walking up the stairs and fell hardcore on the concrete and while I was a mess and bleeding.. a guy walked up, laughed at me and asked if I was okay. Normally I would have become so anxious and embarrassed and run away.. haha.. but I just laughed and got up. Him laughing at and with me showed me that I don’t have to try and be perfect for other people. I can just be my clumsy self.. I have the scar to prove it.

The first time I knew I deserved better than how I was being treated. This person showed me what it was like to be cared for. They showed me I was worthy of having the absolute best in my life.. and all they did was hang out with me for a few hours. I will never forget those few hours. Ever since then I refuse to settle.

The first time a guy proved to me that not everyone’s the same. I honestly thought every single guy would hurt me. That no matter what, no one would just accept me for me... and then one smile and a friendly conversation proved to me that I was wrong. He has no idea. :) Maybe one day I'll tell him..

The first time someone told me they looked up to me. I was at one of my lowest of lows.. trying to find myself. Confused to whether I was even a good person. Then one day, someone told me they looked up to me, and it made me feel like I could be better not only for myself, but to set a good example for others.

The first time someone told me I wasn’t funny.. and meant it. (Yah, it sounds stupid) But I lost myself that day. I’m a funny person. I love to laugh.. and it felt like my best quality was stepped on. Then.. someone came along and told me that I keep them smiling and laughing even when they are having the worst day ever and to not ever change. Now I’m me again.

The first time I really felt God. I look back on that moment and all the God moments since and know he is there for me no matter what.

I am one of the most blunt people alive. I don’t want to go through life regretting words I wish I would have said, but for some reason.. I have a hard time telling a few people how important they are to me and how their words have had such an impact on me. I hope to one day tell some of these people they were a part of huge moments in my life that changed me forever. Remember those moments in your life, because they are the things that make you who you are today.

Confession: It's almost 11pm and I have yet to start studying for my test tomorrow.. Am I procrastinating? Why yes.. I am.. Am i worried about my test? Not at all.. 

Quote: "The only people who can truly know your story are the ones who helped you write it."

Bella Vita

I’ve sat at my laptop almost everyday trying to find something to blog about, but I don’t want to just write about “something”.  Tonight, I’m finally writing again. I’m kind of jumping around with jumbled thoughts so bare with me..

My way of thinking has changed drastically over the past few months. I tend to live in the future because I have so many goals that I want to accomplish. I plan my life and sometimes forget to just live in the moment. Lately though, people have been showing me how beautiful life really is. It’s weird how someone can walk into your life one day, and make you realize so much about yourself. It’s always the least expected person also. Can I just say.. I love being that girl who people are a little unsure about. I don’t want to be average. Some people question me for being 100% me.. instead of being thankful I’m not like most girls who are 100% fake. I might not be everyone’s cup of tea.. and I’m okay with that. Not cocky, just confident. I’d rather be confident about myself then always worry what people thought of me.

I’m going to be real.. I’ve always been that girl that has “needed” a guy. That’s probably why I spent my entire teenage life being in a relationship. Last year, I fought for what I thought was something I needed. In all reality.. what I needed was to stand on my own two feet for once. I’ve spent the past year doing that. I’ve grown up. I didn’t need a guy to be happy. Unfortunately, I’ve let myself become a little hard to the idea of “love”. Why? Probably because the only romantic love I’ve known has walked away. It becomes so hard to want that, when I’m SO happy with how my life is without that person. I could be setting myself up to be alone, but for some reason I’m okay with that… Never thought those words would come out of my mouth. I don’t want this love that fades.. I’ve had that. If I’m going to let 

someone in.. I’m going to need them to step up and be a man. Life is too short to be with someone that plays with my heart.. I want to find someone that deserves it. I think that person is probably out there.. whether i've already met them or won't meet them for 10 years, I know i won't be settling. Because honestly.. at this moment.. I could settle down.. but i refuse to settle. So until that day.. life is wonderful.

Let me say this.. I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. There was a time in my life where I wasn’t even sure how to smile anymore. I thought life was completely pointless and I was wasting my time being happy. Now.. I wake up every morning with the biggest smile on my face. …. …. …. … I’m happy. I always thought there would be something or someone keeping me from truly being happy with my life, but it’s the exact opposite. It’s the people in my life right at this

moment that are the reasons for my happiness. Don't let a second go by without telling someone truly important to your life how much they mean to you.. It doesn't matter if you have known them for 5 days or for 5 years. It's the way you feel when you are around then that matters. It's the joy they bring to your life that counts.

Quote: "In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different."

Confession: You are different.. and I'm afraid of you.. and the idea of you.. but for some reason that makes everything so much more exciting.

You know my name, Not my story.

I woke up yesterday morning just like any other day. Woke up at 6 am from my dog sitting on top of me wanting to go outside. I got up, walked downstairs, let him go outside, and went back to sleep. 3 hours later, I got up, got ready for church, and left with my rents. The same awkward feeling that I don’t belong came over me as I walked inside. Strange how things change in just a few months. Somewhere between running into my past and driving too fast to get out of town, I broke down. Clenched fists, loud music, and venting inside my head only got me so far. I calmed down a little when I reached the exit for Stillwater. I knew I was on my way back to something better. A place I find myself taking for granted throughout the day. I hate school. With. A. Passion. Yet, I am so blessed that I can go to school and that my parents can afford it. I walked inside my empty apartment, turned up the music and just sat down on my bedroom floor. I felt emotionally exhausted. As I laid back and stared at the ceiling, I kept thinking about my run in with the past. I thought about how upset it made me, and how hurt I was. I was dwelling on the past. Not only on the past, but also on people and issues that don’t deserve another second of my time.

There is a reason people from your past don't make it to your future folks.

 Whether it’s an old relationship, friendship, or someone that just upset you. They aren’t worth your time. There’s a line from one of my favorite bands, “If It’s the past that you love, then that’s where you can stay.” If people can’t move on from the past, leave them there. I have had a few people prove to me what real friendships and relationships should look like and it shows me I deserve better then what I had. And so do you. Don’t let someone rob you of your happiness. Happiness is the best revenge. Nothing drives people more crazy then seeing you have a good freaking life.

We get so caught up in what we want. The job we want, the friends we want, the amount of money we want, the perfect person we want to spend our life with.. None of us ever stop and think.. what do i deserve? It's insane how people will wait their whole life for that perfect thing or person they "want". WAKE UP. it's okay to be picky on certain issues, it's not okay to stand still when there is a beautiful life right in front of you just waiting for you to live it. Uncross your arms and see all the possibilities right under your nose. There 's not only a beautiful life, there are also beautiful people that could impact your life in such a phenomenal way. So stop wanting perfection. Perfection is boring. 

Lastly. Don't ever let someone make you feel less than you are. There are a few people from my past that caused my struggle with not feeling good enough. But who's to judge? Really? Who the heck do you think you are to judge me? You might know my name, but you don't know my story. I am 100% good enough for you.. and you.. and you. Tell yourself that. Everyday. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are good enough. Because last time I checked, the people that judge are just the people that are too insecure with themselves. I'm not perfect. I have flaws. and I plan on embracing them. I might not be "good enough" for you.. and that's fine.. you are just missing out on one amazing girl. 

Be confident in everything you do. Be patient in everything you do also. I have such an issue with patience, because I have so many dreams, I want to get out there and live all of them. But take a deep breathe and enjoy life at this very moment. Because if you don't, you might miss out on something you've always DESERVED.

Confession: I'm just a simple, southern girl with a big heart and a list of dreams. I think I might be what you have been looking for.
"Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me, and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be. Thinking maybe you'll come back here to this place that we'd meet. Then you'll see me waiting for you.." :)

Quote: "Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in. Forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be burdened by your old nonsense."

L-O-V-E

I love Valentines Day. Not only is it my dad’s birthday, but it’s such a sweet holiday. I don’t have a Valentine this year and yet I’m still soo excited for February 14^th. I decided for my Valentines Day post, I would make it all about love. so here it goes. <3

To anyone who is in a relationship:

     Love isn’t about looking at each other’s flaws. You aren’t in a relationship to be miserable. I swear these days there are more unhappy people in relationships than there are unhappy singles. Valentine’s Day is a holiday therefore it is meant to be special, but everyday should be like that. I want to buy gifts and go on special dates ALL the time. Not just when the calendar tells me I should. It’s so easy to get in arguments when you are with someone constantly. You find the smallest thing, turn it around, and the whole day is ruined. What a waste of your life. To always be fighting with the one person that means the most to you. Pick your battles. Even if you want to get angry, be the bigger person. Ignore a rude comment, smile, and be happy. You feed off the people you are around. So if you are negative, then your significant other is going to be negative. Love is beautiful. I mean think about it.. You have someone that you could potentially spend the rest of your life with. Playing games with, sharing secrets with, watching sports with, having pillow flights with..  I mean come on friends.. Your relationship doesn’t have to be a boring mess. So if you are going to be in a relationship, make everyday special. If you love someone, love them 110% of the time. Love their flaws, love their quirks, and remember that feeling they give you when they look at you and smile. It will make you fall in love all over again.

To anyone who is single:

     It’s okay. Don’t let society tell you, you have to be in a relationship. Embrace your freedom and the time you have to be with friends. If you are single, be a happy single. Don’t be upset that you don’t have someone. Guys/girls look for someone that is fun and full of life. So don’t be the party pooper in the corner because you are alone. Be the person that everyone wants to get to know. Because it is then that the guy/girl you have always wanted will notice you. I will say this though.. If you meet someone that could be great potential.. don’t disregard them just because you like your freedom. Give them a chance. You never know what could happen. PLUS- Being in a relationship doesn’t mean giving up your freedom.. It just means you get time with your friends AND time with someone special.

To those who are just plain bitter:

     STOP IT. You are wasting your life being upset towards someone that hurt you. It doesn’t matter if you were with them for 3 weeks or 3 years, if someone is going to screw you over, they aren’t worth your time. It doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough. It means they weren’t good enough for you. Remember the person you were before the relationship ripped you apart and start fresh. I understand there will be days that suck, but life isn’t about being unhappy. Don’t be bitter towards love. Love didn’t do anything to you, the person that hurt you did. Just because someone hurts you doesn’t mean every person is like that. So put a smile on, live your life and one day you will run into someone that will prove to you not everyone is the same. And when that day comes.. take a risk. Don’t miss out on something perfect for your life.

I love life. So much. I can’t wait to find someone that is as fun as I am, that will want to be crazy and laugh all day with me. Not to mention being able to spoil someone not only on Valentines Day, but everyday that we are together. Love is awesome. Don’t take it for granted.

Confession: I’d be okay with spending every Valentine’s Day with you. That’s how great I think you are.

Quote: "I think you need someone to want you. Well, I do want you so be brave enough to want me back."

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love -well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you 

haven't lived. "

Bitter-->Better

     I’ve been cooped up in a house for a week with all my crazy friends. It’s been a blast, but it also has given me so much time to think. It’s been a week of thinking BIG thoughts. Past thoughts, future thoughts, right this second thoughts, relationship thoughts, mistake thoughts, butterflies in my stomach thoughts, sad thoughts, risk taking thoughts..

     Isn’t it weird to think about your life now compared to one year ago? I was in a serious relationship, I was a journalism major, I still lived at home, I was struggling with friendships, and I felt like so much was missing. After living this past year, if I could have given my February 2010 self any advice, I think it would have been this: “There will be days where you hate everything. There will be days where all you will do is cry. People will hurt you, turn their back on you, and prove to you that no one can be trusted. BUT. Then one day you will take a risk. And it will change everything. You’ll find your fun loving, hilarious, beautiful self again. You will make friends that will remain by your side till the day you die. You will learn to trust. You will have the time of your life. And most importantly, you’ll believe in love again.” I spent most of 2010 being bitter. Not understanding why my world was crumbling. Then I realized.. It had to crumble. It had to crumble in order to build something new and better. I wasted so much time trying to hold on to the things of the past, that I didn’t realize I was getting in the way of a better life for myself. December 29^th was quite eventful, but I will always remember that day because as I lay in bed that night, I told myself I was done. I was done getting in the way of fate and being miserable about things I couldn’t control. Then I woke up the next morning, got on a plane, and had the time of my life. Ever since then I have had a new outlook on life. There will always be bumps in the road. But I can cry about it, or laugh about it. I choose to laugh. I choose to be better.

     Is anything ever constant? Nothing in my life is, that’s for sure. I thrive on change. I think the only reason I thrive on change though is because, I have never had consistency in my life. Ever. I worked my whole life towards the Olympics and a college scholarship just to have it ripped away from me. I switched high schools my senior year after being at the same school for 11 years. I’m on my 3^rd college so far. I worked hard in two relationships only to have them not work out. Not to mention, I’m in the process of changing my major.. again.  And I thrive on all of that. I thrive on change. I thrive on knowing after I graduate, I’m moving to an unknown place. It’s going to be spontaneous and insane. But that’s what I love. I’m a total “go with it” girl.

   

    Have you ever heard a story, talked to someone, watched an instance take place where you are thinking "I can't believe they just did that." I mean it happens ALL the time. Everyday. I love this quote because my whole life, I have had people judge "what" I did, instead of looking at "why" I did it. If you take anything away from this blog, I hope it's this-- Don't judge what someone does, before you know why they did it. Guys--you do this too but, don't over think what a girl does. Girls get nervous, say the wrong thing at the wrong time, look like a fool, stutter over their words, and text you way too much. Why? Because we like you. We want you to see we are worth taking a chance on and it simply just comes out looking a mess. But, I guess that's love ya know? Girls-- Let's all get along. haha yah right.. I know that will never happen, but I think before you cause drama in your mind or in your group of friends.. make sure you have all the details about a situation before you freak out on someone for what they did. If you want to know something.. ASK. All to often, friendships and relationships end because people don't just speak up and tell what's on their mind. Even if you are too scared, mad, nervous, embarrassed, sad, or just plain head over heels for someone.. It's always better to speak up, then to never know. 

Confession: Even though I thrive on change, I want someone to prove to me that love doesn’t have to. You seem like a pretty good candidate for that job... just sayin.

 Quote: “I don’t care about your past, all I want to know is if there’s a place for me in your future.”

             “In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different.”