I’ve sat at my laptop almost everyday trying to find something to blog about, but I don’t want to just write about “something”. Tonight, I’m finally writing again. I’m kind of jumping around with jumbled thoughts so bare with me..
My way of thinking has changed drastically over the past few months. I tend to live in the future because I have so many goals that I want to accomplish. I plan my life and sometimes forget to just live in the moment. Lately though, people have been showing me how beautiful life really is. It’s weird how someone can walk into your life one day, and make you realize so much about yourself. It’s always the least expected person also. Can I just say.. I love being that girl who people are a little unsure about. I don’t want to be average. Some people question me for being 100% me.. instead of being thankful I’m not like most girls who are 100% fake. I might not be everyone’s cup of tea.. and I’m okay with that. Not cocky, just confident. I’d rather be confident about myself then always worry what people thought of me.
I’m going to be real.. I’ve always been that girl that has “needed” a guy. That’s probably why I spent my entire teenage life being in a relationship. Last year, I fought for what I thought was something I needed. In all reality.. what I needed was to stand on my own two feet for once. I’ve spent the past year doing that. I’ve grown up. I didn’t need a guy to be happy. Unfortunately, I’ve let myself become a little hard to the idea of “love”. Why? Probably because the only romantic love I’ve known has walked away. It becomes so hard to want that, when I’m SO happy with how my life is without that person. I could be setting myself up to be alone, but for some reason I’m okay with that… Never thought those words would come out of my mouth. I don’t want this love that fades.. I’ve had that. If I’m going to let
someone in.. I’m going to need them to step up and be a man. Life is too short to be with someone that plays with my heart.. I want to find someone that deserves it. I think that person is probably out there.. whether i've already met them or won't meet them for 10 years, I know i won't be settling. Because honestly.. at this moment.. I could settle down.. but i refuse to settle. So until that day.. life is wonderful.
Let me say this.. I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. There was a time in my life where I wasn’t even sure how to smile anymore. I thought life was completely pointless and I was wasting my time being happy. Now.. I wake up every morning with the biggest smile on my face. …. …. …. … I’m happy. I always thought there would be something or someone keeping me from truly being happy with my life, but it’s the exact opposite. It’s the people in my life right at this
moment that are the reasons for my happiness. Don't let a second go by without telling someone truly important to your life how much they mean to you.. It doesn't matter if you have known them for 5 days or for 5 years. It's the way you feel when you are around then that matters. It's the joy they bring to your life that counts.
Quote: "In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different."
Confession: You are different.. and I'm afraid of you.. and the idea of you.. but for some reason that makes everything so much more exciting.