Saturday, January 28, 2012

Cookie Cutter

Oh ya know.. Just random thoughts. Nothing special.. Here we go..
     For so much of my life, I've tried to figure out who I am and who I want to be. I've picked out different pieces from people's style, personality, attitude and tried to piece all the parts of who I want to be together. I didn't do it for myself, I did it for everyone else. I was so consumed by what people thought of me. I was a people pleaser. Depending on who I was around, my look and personality would change. I wanted to fit in so badly.
     When I was 17, I went through a transition where everyone I was around was a cookie cutter image of each other. When I came along, I stood out like a sore thumb. I was just being me, but that wasn't accepted by anyone. It almost felt like it was discouraged to be original. I was sick of people talking trash, so I conformed. Cookie cutter. That lasted for over 3 years until I was finally "forced out" of that crowd, I guess you could say, and decided changes needed to be made. So I packed up and moved away from everything I had known for 20 years. Best. Decision. Ever. I finally got back to being myself.

Today, I was getting dressed and couldn't help but think about what makes me me. It's seriously hilarious to me that I used to care so much about what people thought, because it's very apparent now that, it's the last thing on my mind. So what makes me me..?

- My closet consists of V-necks, workout attire, tons of dresses, jeans & cardigans.. that's pretty much it.
- I know how to dress up and look cute, but most of the time you'll find me in shorts & a baseball hat.
- I really like watching sports. I grew up around guys & playing sports, so there was no time to play with dolls.. That's probably why I am the way I am. I'm proud of it.
- I have a hard exterior that I rarely let people break through, but if and when they do.. They would see I'm one of the most caring & soft people.
- I actually somewhat enjoy long distance relationships. I love the feeling of seeing someone for the first time in a long time, and having to rely on phone calls & skype to keep the love alive.. romantic.
- I'm not a people pleaser (anymore) but I thrive off making people smile & laugh.
- I only cry when I'm REALLY frustrated or when certain movies get to me.. even then.. I HATE for people to see me cry. I don't like people seeing me weak.
- I don't want to be in a relationship for kicks. If I'm going to be with someone, It's going to be for the long haul.
- I can compromise & be patient for someone who's worth it.
- I want to move. I really don't even care that much about where I move. I'm always up for anything. Easy to please.
- Passion & Spontaneity pretty much define me. If there is something in life that I want, I'll do whatever it takes to make it happen. And be the best at it.
- I've been jealous of girl's shoes and their hair, but I've only ever been jealous of one girl. She's so legit it pains me. Jelly..
- I'm sarcastic like a boss. I get it from my brother.
- Speaking of my brother.. He's the one person that means more than anything to me. If a guy wants to know the way to my heart.. Be friends with my brother. & have him legit like you.
- I'm pretty witty, but most of the time.. I just enjoy laughing. If you can make me laugh.. you have my heart.
     It sounds cheesy, but If you ever feel like you don't know who you are anymore. Make a list and don't forget about all the different attributes and qualities that make you unique. No one can replace you. My friends love me because I'm unique.. If there is ever someone who doesn't fully love you for you.. Don't. Waste. Your. Time. They aren't worth it.

And that my friends is another blog post. Boom.

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