10 Days.

A lot of things can happen in 10 days.
 It takes a single second to realize what you want or don't want, it takes a couple of minutes to make a decision, a few hours to make plans and it took about 10 days for me to see what I want in life.


I've always been a dreamer. Why not ya know? If there is something I want, I'm going to go after it whole heartedly and put all my effort into the things that matter the most to me. I honestly think anything is possible. That is why I will continue to go after what i want. My career is really important to me and I know it's going to be tough to get to the top, but that's what i want. And I can make it happen. 


Random thought #2..
How crazy is fate? In the dictionary it says this..  "the course of someone's life, or the outcome of a particular situation for someone or something, seen as beyond their control" How crazy is it to think that one particular situation could change you life? You win something, or lose something, move to a new place, go on a trip, do something crazy, drive down the wrong road, get lost, spend too much money, win too much money, or meet someone in an instant that you don't want to live without.. 


I feel like I've been so quiet tonight, just thinking about where my life will go from here.. So many thoughts, and so many unanswered questions. I guess it is all about patience. Things like this don't just happen on accident. They happen so you have the choice to choose one way or another. It's the chance to experience something new and exciting and to finally make something work. It's not going to be easy.. but I promise it will be worth it. Even if it's much to soon to tell how things will play out.. sometimes taking chances is all you can do. 


It's times like these where I want to be scared or nervous, but if I spent my whole life being scared, I would miss out on so much. This isn't something I want to miss out on.. Life is full of surprises. Don't miss out on something great.

Confession-- ..?

New Years Resolution

2011 is going to be such an exciting year. Not only am i starting it off right with my best friend, but its a fresh start. After the year I've had.. a fresh start is exactly what I need. 

Gosh, there are so many things going on this year..

     I'm turning 21!! Going to Vegas!! So many friends are getting married!! Lots of traveling!! Brother is getting married to the most amazing girl!! and then I'm sure there will be plenty of unexpected things happen. Maybe i'll do a few crazy things, make some new friends, get good grades, laugh until it hurts, maybe even fall in love.. who knows. I just want to be happy and take chances. 

Inside Taylor Swift's new CD it says this..

     Real life is a funny thing, you know. In real life, saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial, in fact, that most of us start to hesitate, for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But lately what i've begun to fear more than that is letting the moment pass without saying anything. 

     I think most of us fear reaching the end of our life and looking back regretting the moments we didn't speak up. When we didn't say "I love you." When we should've said "Im sorry." When we didn't stand up for ourselves or someone who needed help.

     Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together. I hope you use yours for good, because the only words you'll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you use to intentionally hurt someone.

     What you say might be too much for some people. Maybe it will come out all wrong and you'll stutter and you'll walk away embarrassed, wincing as you play it all back in your head. But I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest. 

So say it to them. Or say it to yourself in the mirror. Say it in a letter you'll never send or in a book millions might read someday. I think you deserve to look back on your life without a chorus of resounding voices "I could've, but it's to late now."

     There is a time for silence. There is a time waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel, and you so clearly know what you need to say, you'll know it.  

I don't think you should wait. I think you should speak now.

It's just completely perfect. And it's so true.. even if what I say is humiliating or embarrassing.. at least it won't be haunting me because I didn't open my mouth and just say what I felt. It's just so intense thinking about missing out on something perfect because I'm too scared to put myself out there. I don't want to be that girl. and I don't want to wait until the time has passed me by. It's so intimidating not being sure what other people are thinking or how they will react when you tell them what's on your mind.

"In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take, the relationship we were afraid to have and the decisions we waited too long to make."

confession-- a little too much wishful thinking lately.. 

New Year

I'm not sure I could describe how good of an idea going to Arizona was. I'm here with some awesome people that make life so much better just being around them. I'm so stoked to spend the next 8 days with them..

Speaking of my awesome friends.. Were currently in Target buying nerd (Nerf) guns for our real life Black Ops game. Absolutely amazing.

Anyways.. Being here really makes me think about my future. I mean am I really doing the right degree? The one thing that's so perfect about it is I can work anywhere in the world. I can pretty much pick a place and go work there. But I always want to be able to provide for myself and my family.. Not saying I won't be able to do that with my current degree but it makes me nervous. I'm going into it knowing I won't make a lot of money. Although when I think about the other side of it.. I'll be doing something I love so therefore I'll always be happy. Not to mention I'll be able to work anywhere I want which is a plus.

I guess I'll worry about that later and focus on how much I love my life right now. Even though I'm studying to be a "planner" I'd rather not plan my life out and just have fun.

Were FIXIN to have a good night!!

Wowzers!

Confession-- I'm completely fascinated by Canadian people. I'm thinking I'll take a trip there soon. :)

Chains

"How long are you willing to pay for a choice that wasn't yours?"

Today was one of those days where every hurt feeling came rushing back and slapped me right in the face. I felt just as pathetic as ever. I know I'm a strong person, but nothing could've prepared me for December 29th, 2010. I think it was just a sign that I NEED 2011. I need a new year. I need change. 

I remembered this quote that a very remarkable person told me a few months ago. For so long I've been the one paying for someone's bad choice. I've beat myself down for something that I didn't even do. But how do you stop? When a choice affects you everyday.. how do you just stop blaming yourself? 

The road to recovery is long.. and frustrating.. but I won't turn around. I might hit speed bumps, but I'm only human.. and I can't let anyone tear me apart when I know I'm on the right road. 

Why do I ever let them affect me? Why do I always feel like a screw up? Why do I never feel good enough? I'm so tired of walking with my head down.

My fb status today is "Fake it till you make it." Wise words I was told.. and its true.. Even though I have these jacked up feelings... I can't walk around being miserable all the time because healing is a process.. and I can't keep acting like I'm a 100% better when I'm not. I know what I want, and what I deserve.. unfortunately they aren't the same thing. I'm not ready to move past this conflict until I know I can handle it. So until then.. Imma keep moving forward and one day things will be better. 

Confession-- I swallowed my pride today and gave the honest truth... You shouldn't hate me for that. In fact, you should love me for being honest and admitting that Life is rough sometimes.

There's nothing worse than being transparent with someone and them telling you to get out of the car..

God is still good.

Romeo & Juliet

*It's long, but worth the read. :)

     Here we are.. just 5 days away from 2011. I have thought a lot lately about this coming year. It's strange but i literally have most of the year planned out already. That is what I get for being such a planner. There are just so many weddings and events I have to plan around, so I have to start now.

     I have watched a lot of movies lately, and even though I would pick a thriller or comedy over a love story any day.. It seems every movie I have watched lately has been a love story. Since this is my blog and i can pretty much say whatever I want.. I guess I'll just be honest.. With the year I've had.. Watching romantic movies is the last thing I want to do. 

BUT-- I have learned a WHOLE LOT not just from the year 2010, but from the movies I have watched over the past several months. i get into movies, like REALLY get into them. There is just something about watching a movie and feeling like you are watching a person's life. You laugh with them, cry with them, and most of all you relate to them. The story in a movie might not be real, but a lot of the times, the situations the characters are in are real. 

Isn't it amazing how a character can experience a crazy amount of pain and feel like they will never be happy again, and then someone walks into their life and changes everything? Shows them that not everyone is the same. That they can find happiness again. and most of all that love is not worth giving up on. You see a character lose a husband/girlfriend/loved one to all kinds of things. Sometimes sickness, sometimes to another person.. yet does the movie ever end there? No. In a romantic movie (unless the ending is supposed to suck) the heartbroken person always bumps into someone that is going to change everything for them. I mean come on people.. we are talking about Love here. It's beautiful. You can watch a romantic movie and walk out saying "I wish I had that", "That would never happen in real life", or you can start thinking, "I'll have that someday." 

Speaking of movies, I watched one tonight.. and it was all about a girl who had everything but took it all for granted. She had the power from stepping on people to get where she wanted, the money from working 24/7 and ignoring everyone that mattered, and the boyfriend who could care less about her and she thought life was perfect. Until she ran into her ex boyfriend and realized that there was a nice, genuine guy who truly loves her. but current Boyfriend cheated on her then proposed and she said yes because with him came a "safe" (and rich) future. FINALLY she realized that Love isn't about money, or power.. it's about spending the rest of your life with someone that gives you butterflies and makes you laugh.. Happily ever after. the end. << It was actually a good movie..

I say all this to say.. I've been so bitter in the past and so hurt by previous relationships and when you feel like there's no point.. you give up or you settle. and every romantic movie I watch.. I don't think "Man, I wish i had that", It just makes me excited to "bump into" my future one day. and in the mean time, I'm done being bitter and upset.. I have an awesome life and a bright future and when that day comes to meet prince charming.. I'll be nothing but excited that i chose not to give up when God has been sitting up there all along just telling me to be patient. Don't. Give. Up. and Don't be scared. Be fearless and when the right love is in front of you, don't be afraid to jump. Because the right guy is going to catch you.

"Somewhere between heartaches and waiting, comes the chance to be found by someone who can show you that you don't have to be just an option, but the ONLY choice."

Confession- I waited too long to realize i deserve better, but tomorrow's a new day.. and i refuse to let you ruin me... or my heart. 

Zombies & Movies & 50 Piece McNuggets.

Ya know that quote, "To the world you might be just one person, but to one person you might mean the world"? I don't really think about that quote in a romantic way, more of just a general quote to anyone.

I just had an amazing weekend and It was definitely worth blogging about..There are two people in my life, that really mean the world to me. Whenever I get to see them, I get SO excited, and whenever I'm away from them, I'm a little bit depressed. I feel comfortable around them. They genuinely care about me, which is huge in my book. I just don't think I would ever be able to express how thankful I am to have them. They are more special to me than they know.

She is hard-working, smart, funny, absolutely beautiful, someone I can be myself around, kind, practically my sister and most importantly makes me want to be a better person. She is always there for me, and I just hope I can be as good of friend to her as she is to me.

He is incredibly talented. fun to be around, a great example of how a guy should treat a girl, he includes me, talks to me like we've been friends forever, and I just hope we will in fact be best friends for life. haha. :)

Together, they make such an awesome couple, and are two of my best friends and I'm a better person for having them in my life. They are family to me. People I would seriously never get sick of being around. They love me for me, and I love both of them very much.. just the way they are. I can't wait to be neighbors with them one day. :)

Sometimes it's just necessary for people to know how important they are to you. So if you haven't told someone in awhile... You definitely should. Life is short. Make the most of it.

Confession: I typed this whole thing while driving in the dark. Don't tell my mom.

Jill Kennedy Roberts

Most frustrating thing in the world..

Ya know when you come in contact with some really great people and they just want to have a surface level relationship with you? Or they just don't have any desire to get to know you and really find out what kind of person you are? I hate that. This is pertaining to friends.. and guys. I'm just saying.. I feel like some people would be really surprised if they would just take the time to get to know me. Does that sound conceited? I don't care. I had an in class interview the other night and one of the questions was to describe myself using adjectives. It really made me think about who I am. This is what I came up with...

--Funny, Creative, Positive, Loving, Ambitious, Hopeful, Spontaneous, Giving, Energetic and Passionate.

That started to make me think about what kind of person I am beyond the adjectives, and here it is..

--I love making my friends laugh. I love the outdoors, but I also could sit inside for days and watch movies.  When I see something I want, I have to have it. I will put all my effort into getting it. Not in a stuck up way, more in a "I go after what i want way". I love sports. I could literally watch sports all the time. I'm sure that will make my future husband happy someday haha. I love my name. There is something so unique about the name Jill and the power that comes with the name Kennedy, and Roberts just makes me think of Julia Roberts...which is pretty cool too.I'm a dreamer, hardcore. Even if something is never going to happen, i like to think it will someday. Don't rain on my parade. My friends are my life. I learn how to be a better person from them. I really do love dogs. I don't like wasting time; therefore, I seem to love to jump into things. I'm always down for whatever. Because I'm such a passionate person, it comes off like I'm over the top to my friends.. but around everyone else, I really am super chill.  I guess you could say I know how to play it cool. haha.

I'm one of a kind, just like everyone else in the world. And that right there my friends, makes me special.

Confession-  Today i fell asleep while driving. It scared me. but I'm alive, so it's all good. Lesson learned.